With an absolute thank you from my heart to everyone who visits my mother and family's memorial. It is so comforting to have such an abundant amount of support from such loving people. If my mother was alive today, she would see so much goodness in so many of you. I can't express enough heartfelt thanks to those of you who unselfishly stop by. Thank you again and again.

I remember she kept calling me and told me she didn't feel good. That evening I stopped by to visit her and bring her something to drink and some medicine. When I walked into her house, she was lying on the couch (something she never did). I asked her how she felt. She said she had a headache. I told her to take her medicine. I remember when I was leaving, I looked at her. She was so quiet. She looked so calm, almost like she knew. I said, teasing her, that she was an old lady. She took her shoe off to throw at me and said I am going to spank you. We laughed. And as I closed the door, I said I love you momma. She said I love you too mija and I shut the door, never seeing her like she was.

I don't think in this biography that I ever explained what happened to her after her brain aneurysms. She couldn't talk or move from the neck down. She couldn't eat or walk. She would look around the hospital room in confusion. She didn't know who I was or any of her family. I would talk to her and she didn't respond. I would say momma, look at me or squeeze my hand, she didn't understand. Although she did open her eyes, my mother was gone. She just wasn't the same. She used to be a person who spoke her mind and could carry on a conversation for hours. She was healthy, nothing to be concerned with. She had a charm about her that I just can't explain, but I just know that I inherited that. I draw people to me, with the love and kindness that I give. I can meet someone and make friends easily. People are just drawn to me, all because I am so much like her.
She was so amazing, but I took her so for granted. Just like a typical teenager, I only picked out her flaws. I feel that I have been punished, losing her as taught me a very valuable lesson in life. It has taught me to pick out the best in people, for they are only here to visit. My long biography is because I so much want to honor her, in everyway that a mother should be honored. She was a person you would want to know, someone who you would want on your side. She was always by my side, thru the bad and good, thru the mistakes and the accomplishments. She suffered so much trying to save my dad and brother that she didn't get to enjoy her life. Although she didn't save my brother, she couldn't help but follow him less than a year later.

While drinking her coffee with her brother Reuben, she yelled out Reuben's name and collapsed.

The doctors found out that she had 2 massive brain aneurysms and that it was a miracle that she had opened her eyes. I think, with passion in my heart, that she wanted to say goodbye in her way.

The day she went into surgery, I walked with her and all she did was stare at me. Almost like she wanted to say something. I told her that I loved her and to stay with me. As the doctors wheeled her away, she kept eye contact with me. She entered the double doors to surgery and she looked at me one last time. I smiled with tears and pain in my heart.

When she came out of surgery, her eyes were dilated and fixed. She didn't look around the room or at me anymore. For two days I talked to her, I combed her hair, I bathed her, and I begged her not to leave. I didn't leave her side.
The doctors told me that she was brain dead. They told me that she would be vegetable if she survived, possibly in a retirement home.
I couldn't let my mom suffer. She cried for a whole year since Paul Jr. died. I would watch her sit and hold his picture, hold his t-shirt close to her, touch his rings and wallet. She would rock back and forth, and would say "I could have saved him from alcoholism. I could have stopped him, he was too young."
I would take her to his grave site and she would tell me that she wanted a headstone with his name on it and if she passed away, she wanted to be next to him. She would crawl all over his grave and even out the dirt. She would lie down next to him and cry like I've never heard her cry.

The night before she died, I went into her hospital room, just her and I. It was quiet. I could hear the machine breathing for her. I walked over to her, wishing she would just wake up. I put my head on her chest to hear her heartbeat. I kissed her hand, I caressed her hair. I tried to cherish every moment. I whispered in her ear, telling her how much she means to me, hoping she would turn to me and say I love you too. I held her hand close to my face and then walked away, not turning back.

My mother was so very special. She was stern and full of chaos. It is too quiet in my life without her. The phone doesn't ring anymore, she used to call me 15 times a day. There is no knock at the door, I open the door hoping it is her. What I miss most, is when she used to tell me she was proud of me, even when I failed. She told me to hold my head up. She excepted me for all my faults, with total unconditional love. My heart is with her, it will always be. A part of my sister, dad and I died in that room that night with her.

I did grant my mothers last wish, I had her and my brother buried together. They share a headstone with both their names on it. It has a large iron cross, lots of Angels and flowers. I knew this would make her happy.

I let my mom go, I had to, she missed him, she blamed herself. I can't change the decision I made, but I hope God will remember that I was unselfish. I desperately wanted to keep her with me, but I knew it would be wrong.
She belongs with her son, my brother Paul. I hope to be with her soon.

My mom was a wonderful friend, mother and nana. She suffered numerous tragedies from 1995 to 1998. She lost her mother, father, sister and son. But her strength shined and she tried to take care of her brother from 1998 until her death in November 1999. She also is preceded in death by her nephew David Vivian Silva, in Dec 2008.
Catarina is survived by her ex-husband Paul Sr. of 22 years, her daughter Paula & husband Tim, daughter Yvonne, her grandchildren Corey, Amber, Mariah, Ciera, Little Richard, Jessica and Antonio. Her family consists of: Mother and father George & Flora Benavidez, Brothers Richard and Reuben, Sisters Betty, Loriann and Rosemary. She is preceded in death by her mother Flora, father George, sister Rosemary, daughter Theresa and son Paul Jr. Her brother Reuben, who she tried to take care of, died of a fatal overdose about a year later.

FROM YOUR DAUGHTER PAULA:

I don't want to live without you momma.....a part of me died with you. I can't tell you enough, how sorry I am for not being the best daughter in the world. You deserve the best. You were the most unselfish person I know. You gave when no one else would.
Making the decision to disconnect that life support has changed me forever. There are some who are mad at me, and now won't even speak to me. I am not sure if I made the right decision, but I hope the Lord watched over me that sad November day. Please understand that I wanted to keep you, but had no choice. Paul Jr. needed you and you needed him.
You are my best friend, my only friend. You were there through the toughest times in my life, and I was honored to be there while you were battling yours.
You have taught me so much. You are my shadow. I look just like you. I talk with my hands and our smiles look identical. My face is a resemblance of yours. I am proud to be your daughter.
Thank you momma, for all your sacrifices, your honesty, all the laughter and tears we shared. We will see each other again.......

When it is time for me to leave this earth, I will reach for you momma.........Your loving daughter, Paula



A special thank you to Chrissy, she is so very very special to sponsor my brother and mother's memorial.
It's such a blessing to have people in this world like you Chrissy.....Thank you again and again.....Paula