Jeff passed away on January 1, 2012 at 18 years of age. He was born in Providence, RI and moved to Granite Bay in 1996 with his family. Jeff graduated from Granite Bay HS in 2011 and just completed his first semester at Sierra College.
He is preceded in death by his paternal grandfather Martin Fehr. Jeff will be dearly missed by all his family and his many friends. He was captain of the Granite Bay HS Varsity Cheer and Competitive Cheer squads. Jeff was also very active in several other competitive cheer teams. He was a loving, compassionate and fiercely loyal son, brother and friend, and he is beloved by many and will be dearly missed by all. We pray to God Jeff is in a better place and he has found true inner peace and happiness. Funeral mass for Jeff will be Saturday January 7, 2012 at 11am at St. Joseph Marello Catholic Church, 7200 Auburn Folsom Rd, Granite Bay. In lieu of flowers donations can be made in Jeff's name to the Trevor Project.
Published in The Sacramento Bee from January 5 to January 6, 2012
-----------------------------------
Granite Bay teen who committed suicide was bullied.He is loved and will be missed.
On a blustery Saturday morning inside a Granite Bay church, nearly 1,000 people gathered to say goodbye to Jeffrey Fehr. Men and women in dark clothing filled every seat and stood along a back wall. Teenagers wearing shirts with Jeffrey's image clustered in groups, crying and leaning into one another for support.
At a reception that followed his funeral, many spoke of a gifted young athlete who was funny, kind and compassionate. They called Jeffrey an inspiration and a mentor.
For Jeffrey's parents, Pati and Steve Fehr, the scene was stunning.
"So many people gained strength from Jeff," his father said, looking out at the crowd. "The unfortunate part is that Jeff didn't realize it."
(This story appeared in The Sacramento Bee on Jan. 16, 2012.)
In the early hours of New Year's Day, Jeffrey hanged himself in the front entrance to his family's home in a tony Granite Bay neighborhood. He was 18 years old.
Since that day, his parents have searched their hearts and minds for answers. Though Jeffrey, who was gay, had recently ended a relationship and had been treated for depression, they believe something more insidious put him on the path toward suicide. They are convinced that a lifetime of taunts and bullying contributed to his decision to take his own life.
"We will second-guess ourselves forever," his father said. "But we do know that for years and years, people knocked him down for being different. It damaged him. It wore on him. He could never fully believe how wonderful he was, and how many people loved him."
Despite an increase in positive images of gay people in the mass media, from contestants in reality programs like "Project Runway" to sitcoms like "Modern Family," bullying of gay youths remains rampant. Nine out of 10 gay and bisexual students report harassment at school, according to the Trevor Project, a crisis intervention group. Gay and bisexual youths are four times more likely than their heterosexual peers to try suicide.
"Society has come a long way toward reducing hatred and discrimination against gays," said Israel Kalman, a school psychologist in New York and director of the national Bullies2Buddies program. "But it will be awhile, if ever, before it disappears entirely."
Alone in a crowd
Jeffrey Fehr and his two older brothers, Tyler and Ryan, spent their childhood in a community of high-end homes and high expectations.
Tyler and Ryan starred on their sports teams starting in elementary school, but Jeffrey was more interested in dancing and jumping on the trampoline. While other boys played baseball at school recess, he climbed on the jungle gym with girls.
As early as the third grade, Jeffrey was the target of taunts, family members said. He had few friends and felt comfortable only when he was at home or on vacation with people he trusted.
"He would come home from school and cry," said Tyler, 21. "He would say he felt alone, that he wasn't accepted for the things he liked."
It was in the sixth grade that people first started calling him "fag," the Fehrs said.
"It broke my heart that he was abused that way," his mother said. They talked about how they could fix things.
Jeffrey's parents sent him to counseling, tried to build his confidence and encouraged him to pursue his interests, including art, theater and dance. Later, they got him treatment for depression.
His parents hoped high school would be a more welcoming place for Jeffrey. But his first two years were "pure hell," they said.
He is preceded in death by his paternal grandfather Martin Fehr. Jeff will be dearly missed by all his family and his many friends. He was captain of the Granite Bay HS Varsity Cheer and Competitive Cheer squads. Jeff was also very active in several other competitive cheer teams. He was a loving, compassionate and fiercely loyal son, brother and friend, and he is beloved by many and will be dearly missed by all. We pray to God Jeff is in a better place and he has found true inner peace and happiness. Funeral mass for Jeff will be Saturday January 7, 2012 at 11am at St. Joseph Marello Catholic Church, 7200 Auburn Folsom Rd, Granite Bay. In lieu of flowers donations can be made in Jeff's name to the Trevor Project.
Published in The Sacramento Bee from January 5 to January 6, 2012
-----------------------------------
Granite Bay teen who committed suicide was bullied.He is loved and will be missed.
On a blustery Saturday morning inside a Granite Bay church, nearly 1,000 people gathered to say goodbye to Jeffrey Fehr. Men and women in dark clothing filled every seat and stood along a back wall. Teenagers wearing shirts with Jeffrey's image clustered in groups, crying and leaning into one another for support.
At a reception that followed his funeral, many spoke of a gifted young athlete who was funny, kind and compassionate. They called Jeffrey an inspiration and a mentor.
For Jeffrey's parents, Pati and Steve Fehr, the scene was stunning.
"So many people gained strength from Jeff," his father said, looking out at the crowd. "The unfortunate part is that Jeff didn't realize it."
(This story appeared in The Sacramento Bee on Jan. 16, 2012.)
In the early hours of New Year's Day, Jeffrey hanged himself in the front entrance to his family's home in a tony Granite Bay neighborhood. He was 18 years old.
Since that day, his parents have searched their hearts and minds for answers. Though Jeffrey, who was gay, had recently ended a relationship and had been treated for depression, they believe something more insidious put him on the path toward suicide. They are convinced that a lifetime of taunts and bullying contributed to his decision to take his own life.
"We will second-guess ourselves forever," his father said. "But we do know that for years and years, people knocked him down for being different. It damaged him. It wore on him. He could never fully believe how wonderful he was, and how many people loved him."
Despite an increase in positive images of gay people in the mass media, from contestants in reality programs like "Project Runway" to sitcoms like "Modern Family," bullying of gay youths remains rampant. Nine out of 10 gay and bisexual students report harassment at school, according to the Trevor Project, a crisis intervention group. Gay and bisexual youths are four times more likely than their heterosexual peers to try suicide.
"Society has come a long way toward reducing hatred and discrimination against gays," said Israel Kalman, a school psychologist in New York and director of the national Bullies2Buddies program. "But it will be awhile, if ever, before it disappears entirely."
Alone in a crowd
Jeffrey Fehr and his two older brothers, Tyler and Ryan, spent their childhood in a community of high-end homes and high expectations.
Tyler and Ryan starred on their sports teams starting in elementary school, but Jeffrey was more interested in dancing and jumping on the trampoline. While other boys played baseball at school recess, he climbed on the jungle gym with girls.
As early as the third grade, Jeffrey was the target of taunts, family members said. He had few friends and felt comfortable only when he was at home or on vacation with people he trusted.
"He would come home from school and cry," said Tyler, 21. "He would say he felt alone, that he wasn't accepted for the things he liked."
It was in the sixth grade that people first started calling him "fag," the Fehrs said.
"It broke my heart that he was abused that way," his mother said. They talked about how they could fix things.
Jeffrey's parents sent him to counseling, tried to build his confidence and encouraged him to pursue his interests, including art, theater and dance. Later, they got him treatment for depression.
His parents hoped high school would be a more welcoming place for Jeffrey. But his first two years were "pure hell," they said.
Jeff passed away on January 1, 2012 at 18 years of age. He was born in Providence, RI and moved to Granite Bay in 1996 with his family. Jeff graduated from Granite Bay HS in 2011 and just completed his first semester at Sierra College.
He is preceded in death by his paternal grandfather Martin Fehr. Jeff will be dearly missed by all his family and his many friends. He was captain of the Granite Bay HS Varsity Cheer and Competitive Cheer squads. Jeff was also very active in several other competitive cheer teams. He was a loving, compassionate and fiercely loyal son, brother and friend, and he is beloved by many and will be dearly missed by all. We pray to God Jeff is in a better place and he has found true inner peace and happiness. Funeral mass for Jeff will be Saturday January 7, 2012 at 11am at St. Joseph Marello Catholic Church, 7200 Auburn Folsom Rd, Granite Bay. In lieu of flowers donations can be made in Jeff's name to the Trevor Project.
Published in The Sacramento Bee from January 5 to January 6, 2012
-----------------------------------
Granite Bay teen who committed suicide was bullied.He is loved and will be missed.
On a blustery Saturday morning inside a Granite Bay church, nearly 1,000 people gathered to say goodbye to Jeffrey Fehr. Men and women in dark clothing filled every seat and stood along a back wall. Teenagers wearing shirts with Jeffrey's image clustered in groups, crying and leaning into one another for support.
At a reception that followed his funeral, many spoke of a gifted young athlete who was funny, kind and compassionate. They called Jeffrey an inspiration and a mentor.
For Jeffrey's parents, Pati and Steve Fehr, the scene was stunning.
"So many people gained strength from Jeff," his father said, looking out at the crowd. "The unfortunate part is that Jeff didn't realize it."
(This story appeared in The Sacramento Bee on Jan. 16, 2012.)
In the early hours of New Year's Day, Jeffrey hanged himself in the front entrance to his family's home in a tony Granite Bay neighborhood. He was 18 years old.
Since that day, his parents have searched their hearts and minds for answers. Though Jeffrey, who was gay, had recently ended a relationship and had been treated for depression, they believe something more insidious put him on the path toward suicide. They are convinced that a lifetime of taunts and bullying contributed to his decision to take his own life.
"We will second-guess ourselves forever," his father said. "But we do know that for years and years, people knocked him down for being different. It damaged him. It wore on him. He could never fully believe how wonderful he was, and how many people loved him."
Despite an increase in positive images of gay people in the mass media, from contestants in reality programs like "Project Runway" to sitcoms like "Modern Family," bullying of gay youths remains rampant. Nine out of 10 gay and bisexual students report harassment at school, according to the Trevor Project, a crisis intervention group. Gay and bisexual youths are four times more likely than their heterosexual peers to try suicide.
"Society has come a long way toward reducing hatred and discrimination against gays," said Israel Kalman, a school psychologist in New York and director of the national Bullies2Buddies program. "But it will be awhile, if ever, before it disappears entirely."
Alone in a crowd
Jeffrey Fehr and his two older brothers, Tyler and Ryan, spent their childhood in a community of high-end homes and high expectations.
Tyler and Ryan starred on their sports teams starting in elementary school, but Jeffrey was more interested in dancing and jumping on the trampoline. While other boys played baseball at school recess, he climbed on the jungle gym with girls.
As early as the third grade, Jeffrey was the target of taunts, family members said. He had few friends and felt comfortable only when he was at home or on vacation with people he trusted.
"He would come home from school and cry," said Tyler, 21. "He would say he felt alone, that he wasn't accepted for the things he liked."
It was in the sixth grade that people first started calling him "fag," the Fehrs said.
"It broke my heart that he was abused that way," his mother said. They talked about how they could fix things.
Jeffrey's parents sent him to counseling, tried to build his confidence and encouraged him to pursue his interests, including art, theater and dance. Later, they got him treatment for depression.
His parents hoped high school would be a more welcoming place for Jeffrey. But his first two years were "pure hell," they said.
He is preceded in death by his paternal grandfather Martin Fehr. Jeff will be dearly missed by all his family and his many friends. He was captain of the Granite Bay HS Varsity Cheer and Competitive Cheer squads. Jeff was also very active in several other competitive cheer teams. He was a loving, compassionate and fiercely loyal son, brother and friend, and he is beloved by many and will be dearly missed by all. We pray to God Jeff is in a better place and he has found true inner peace and happiness. Funeral mass for Jeff will be Saturday January 7, 2012 at 11am at St. Joseph Marello Catholic Church, 7200 Auburn Folsom Rd, Granite Bay. In lieu of flowers donations can be made in Jeff's name to the Trevor Project.
Published in The Sacramento Bee from January 5 to January 6, 2012
-----------------------------------
Granite Bay teen who committed suicide was bullied.He is loved and will be missed.
On a blustery Saturday morning inside a Granite Bay church, nearly 1,000 people gathered to say goodbye to Jeffrey Fehr. Men and women in dark clothing filled every seat and stood along a back wall. Teenagers wearing shirts with Jeffrey's image clustered in groups, crying and leaning into one another for support.
At a reception that followed his funeral, many spoke of a gifted young athlete who was funny, kind and compassionate. They called Jeffrey an inspiration and a mentor.
For Jeffrey's parents, Pati and Steve Fehr, the scene was stunning.
"So many people gained strength from Jeff," his father said, looking out at the crowd. "The unfortunate part is that Jeff didn't realize it."
(This story appeared in The Sacramento Bee on Jan. 16, 2012.)
In the early hours of New Year's Day, Jeffrey hanged himself in the front entrance to his family's home in a tony Granite Bay neighborhood. He was 18 years old.
Since that day, his parents have searched their hearts and minds for answers. Though Jeffrey, who was gay, had recently ended a relationship and had been treated for depression, they believe something more insidious put him on the path toward suicide. They are convinced that a lifetime of taunts and bullying contributed to his decision to take his own life.
"We will second-guess ourselves forever," his father said. "But we do know that for years and years, people knocked him down for being different. It damaged him. It wore on him. He could never fully believe how wonderful he was, and how many people loved him."
Despite an increase in positive images of gay people in the mass media, from contestants in reality programs like "Project Runway" to sitcoms like "Modern Family," bullying of gay youths remains rampant. Nine out of 10 gay and bisexual students report harassment at school, according to the Trevor Project, a crisis intervention group. Gay and bisexual youths are four times more likely than their heterosexual peers to try suicide.
"Society has come a long way toward reducing hatred and discrimination against gays," said Israel Kalman, a school psychologist in New York and director of the national Bullies2Buddies program. "But it will be awhile, if ever, before it disappears entirely."
Alone in a crowd
Jeffrey Fehr and his two older brothers, Tyler and Ryan, spent their childhood in a community of high-end homes and high expectations.
Tyler and Ryan starred on their sports teams starting in elementary school, but Jeffrey was more interested in dancing and jumping on the trampoline. While other boys played baseball at school recess, he climbed on the jungle gym with girls.
As early as the third grade, Jeffrey was the target of taunts, family members said. He had few friends and felt comfortable only when he was at home or on vacation with people he trusted.
"He would come home from school and cry," said Tyler, 21. "He would say he felt alone, that he wasn't accepted for the things he liked."
It was in the sixth grade that people first started calling him "fag," the Fehrs said.
"It broke my heart that he was abused that way," his mother said. They talked about how they could fix things.
Jeffrey's parents sent him to counseling, tried to build his confidence and encouraged him to pursue his interests, including art, theater and dance. Later, they got him treatment for depression.
His parents hoped high school would be a more welcoming place for Jeffrey. But his first two years were "pure hell," they said.
Bio by: Pat McArron
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