Notes on GENDER FIELD and MILITARY RANK as part of a person's name:
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Gender Field -

I consider Find-a-Grave's 2023 addition of a "gender" field to be anachronistic at best. When it was first added, I dutifully filled it in, based only on the person's name. I then realized this field can be left blank, just as can all other fields (except name). I have received suggestions to fill it in, either as one of several suggested edits for an individual or when it is the only change suggested (usually as one of a batch of such suggestions).

I have been told that filling it in "adds one more piece of information" about a person. It does not. It adds a guess based on a name and possibly marital status - neither of which actually prove a person's gender identification. And no, not identifying with the gender assigned at birth is not something new, so I won't use that as a reason for assigning a gender to a person who died before last year.

I decline to fill in this field, just as I decline to use the 3-letter abbreviation for Find-a-Grave.

If you send me an edit suggestion to fill in this field, I will decline the suggestion, referring you to this statement. If the person is a family member, in addition to not filling in the gender field, I will not transfer the memorial. If I don't tell you the person is a family member, or explicitly state the person is not a family member, and you feel strongly that this field must be filled in, I will transfer the memorial to you upon request - no other questions asked.

Thank you for your inclusiveness.
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Military Rank as a Prefix to a Person's Name -

Over the years, I've received many requests to add a person's military rank as a prefix to their name. At first, I did it without much thought. Then I got a request from a non-Find-a-Grave-member to please remove it from her husband's memorial. Although she didn't have to, she gave a reason: her husband had returned from his military experience with significant issues which affected him for the rest of his life. (Those issues would probably now be called PTSD.) She said she frequently visited his Find-a-Grave Memorial, and having his rank as part of his name felt like a slap in the face. Another family member who provided an explanation said she was the daughter of the person. She noted that his military service was only 2 years of his life, but having his rank as part of his name made it seem as if it was the only important thing he ever did. I've received other requests to remove the military rank from family members. I've done so each time, although the rank appeared elsewhere on the memorial - just not as part of the person's name.

Thinking about this issue from a new perspective, I realized that not one of the requests to add a military rank to a person's name had come from a family member - they had all come from what I call "veteran-honorers" - folks who want to ensure that our veterans receive due recognition. I also realized this is an area where a family's interests and the interests of someone not part of the family, although completely well-intentioned, can conflict.

Find-a-Grave has now added a Veteran symbol by a person's name. This symbol recognizes veterans without having to also display their rank as part of their name. Based on the number of requests I've received to add this symbol, frequently with no other changes, it appears there are many veteran-honorers on Find-a-Grave looking for those whose memorials were posted before the symbol was added. I expect Find-a-Grave memorials for veterans will in rather short order all have the veteran symbol.

Going forward, I decline to add military rank as a prefix to a person's name, unless the person was career military or died while serving in the military. PLEASE NOTE: These also happen to be the military's rules for when it is permissible to continue to use the rank as a title. If asked to add the rank as part of the name, and the person does not fall into one of those categories, I will decline the suggestion, but will ensure that, if it doesn't already, the rank appears elsewhere on the memorial - either in the bio field or in the Inscription field if it is on a military plaque. If the person asking for the rank to be added is a family member, I will transfer the memorial upon request.

Thanks to those of you who fall into the category of veteran-honorers. My position is in no way intended to disparage our veterans or the work you have done, and are doing, to honor their service.

If you send me a request to add the veteran symbol, and the fact that the person served in the military does not already appear on the memorial, please include a source reference or citation to the service. You are the one asking for a change to be made, so the burden is on you to show proof that the person actually is a veteran. Thank you!

Notes on GENDER FIELD and MILITARY RANK as part of a person's name:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gender Field -

I consider Find-a-Grave's 2023 addition of a "gender" field to be anachronistic at best. When it was first added, I dutifully filled it in, based only on the person's name. I then realized this field can be left blank, just as can all other fields (except name). I have received suggestions to fill it in, either as one of several suggested edits for an individual or when it is the only change suggested (usually as one of a batch of such suggestions).

I have been told that filling it in "adds one more piece of information" about a person. It does not. It adds a guess based on a name and possibly marital status - neither of which actually prove a person's gender identification. And no, not identifying with the gender assigned at birth is not something new, so I won't use that as a reason for assigning a gender to a person who died before last year.

I decline to fill in this field, just as I decline to use the 3-letter abbreviation for Find-a-Grave.

If you send me an edit suggestion to fill in this field, I will decline the suggestion, referring you to this statement. If the person is a family member, in addition to not filling in the gender field, I will not transfer the memorial. If I don't tell you the person is a family member, or explicitly state the person is not a family member, and you feel strongly that this field must be filled in, I will transfer the memorial to you upon request - no other questions asked.

Thank you for your inclusiveness.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Military Rank as a Prefix to a Person's Name -

Over the years, I've received many requests to add a person's military rank as a prefix to their name. At first, I did it without much thought. Then I got a request from a non-Find-a-Grave-member to please remove it from her husband's memorial. Although she didn't have to, she gave a reason: her husband had returned from his military experience with significant issues which affected him for the rest of his life. (Those issues would probably now be called PTSD.) She said she frequently visited his Find-a-Grave Memorial, and having his rank as part of his name felt like a slap in the face. Another family member who provided an explanation said she was the daughter of the person. She noted that his military service was only 2 years of his life, but having his rank as part of his name made it seem as if it was the only important thing he ever did. I've received other requests to remove the military rank from family members. I've done so each time, although the rank appeared elsewhere on the memorial - just not as part of the person's name.

Thinking about this issue from a new perspective, I realized that not one of the requests to add a military rank to a person's name had come from a family member - they had all come from what I call "veteran-honorers" - folks who want to ensure that our veterans receive due recognition. I also realized this is an area where a family's interests and the interests of someone not part of the family, although completely well-intentioned, can conflict.

Find-a-Grave has now added a Veteran symbol by a person's name. This symbol recognizes veterans without having to also display their rank as part of their name. Based on the number of requests I've received to add this symbol, frequently with no other changes, it appears there are many veteran-honorers on Find-a-Grave looking for those whose memorials were posted before the symbol was added. I expect Find-a-Grave memorials for veterans will in rather short order all have the veteran symbol.

Going forward, I decline to add military rank as a prefix to a person's name, unless the person was career military or died while serving in the military. PLEASE NOTE: These also happen to be the military's rules for when it is permissible to continue to use the rank as a title. If asked to add the rank as part of the name, and the person does not fall into one of those categories, I will decline the suggestion, but will ensure that, if it doesn't already, the rank appears elsewhere on the memorial - either in the bio field or in the Inscription field if it is on a military plaque. If the person asking for the rank to be added is a family member, I will transfer the memorial upon request.

Thanks to those of you who fall into the category of veteran-honorers. My position is in no way intended to disparage our veterans or the work you have done, and are doing, to honor their service.

If you send me a request to add the veteran symbol, and the fact that the person served in the military does not already appear on the memorial, please include a source reference or citation to the service. You are the one asking for a change to be made, so the burden is on you to show proof that the person actually is a veteran. Thank you!