Mrs. Konapeyus had eluded me for about four months. I had been thinking about her lately, and trying to track her down to see how she was, and to say "thank you". Alas, her marriage to a gent of Greek descent made my search futile, because the spelling of her last name escaped me. It was pronounced "cahn-ah-PAY-is". I kept doing lookups - Cannepaius? Conapaius? Canepayus? Conipaeus? Round and round it went, and I never did find her, until today when I saw her obituary, and could have kicked myself for missing the correct spelling, and for waiting to try again.
Sometime around 1974, Trexler Junior High School in Allentown, PA had a Career Day. Representatives of various occupations were available to speak with students who might have an interest in their line of work, answering questions about the training and education required, and what the job itself demanded. Mrs. Konapeyus was there that day as a representative for psychology and counseling.
Many were drawn to her for her sprite-like appearance, her kind and friendly demeanor, and her articulateness. Of course, it's also true that many drawn to the field of psychology are interested beyond the topic itself. Many folks want to learn the principles and apply them to themselves, to understand or solve parts of themselves. I think I was such a person, as were some of my schoolmates.
Deep down, Mrs. Konapeyus knew this and based on our interest, she set up a group meeting, probably billed as a "rap session" or something equally informal. A small circle of us met with her to have this session, and it was so spirited and helpful that she kindly expanded it, and we began to meet on a regular basis, perhaps monthly. I do not believe she was compensated for her time, but did this out of her decency and concern for young people.
We were a mix, but somehow she managed to make it work, relating one person's challenges to another's. Any group counselor knows that getting people of diverse backgrounds to get along and remain interested in the group is a challenge; too often people can feel they are wasting time on other people's issues, and not enough on their own. She had the gift of appreciating us all as individuals, making each of us feel that our contributions were valued, and our issues worthy of examination.
My gratitude to Mrs. Konapeyus is based on her empathy and ability to handle how adoption affected my life. As a young teen working on identity development and the "who am I?" kind of questions common to young adults, I found my adoption stood squarely in the way of growing up. How do you build an identity with half the information missing? Who am I, if no one can tell me about the people I came from? Yes, I had a wonderful family raise me, but what about the other parts of me? Existential angst? And will I be a baby forever if the law constantly regards me as such, by refusing to admit that my need for a complete identity mattered? It felt as though "the system" of accomodating my birthparents' assumed desire for confidentiality, and my adoptive parents' desire for a child had completely lost track of the fact "that child" - me- would someday grow up and have needs. It felt like that system was content to say basically, "You got a family, so shut up and be grateful".
Of course, Mrs. Konapeyus could not change the system of closed adoption (which is still practiced in Pennsylvania, as well as in most states today), but she did help me change my response to it. She helped me understand that being treated as such did not make me a lesser individual. She helped me understand that lacking solid information about my past meant that I would have to create parts of myself with no road map, admittedly a challenge, but not an unsurmountable one. She helped me understand that just because I had been relinquished did not mean that I had been unloved by my birthparents.
I would have loved to have found her, as I'd been trying to do, to catch up with her and tell her how my story had played out. She would have been pleased to know I had overall a healthy and productive life so far, and that I had found and been welcomed by my biological family. She'd have appreciated that I helped many other people with their searches, both birthparents and adoptees. She'd have been especially glad I had not stopped there, but had written letters and gone to Harrisburg multiple times in efforts to improve the adoption law in Pennsylvania, albeit unsuccessfully. What would have mattered to her was that I had not been a passive victim, but had done what was within my sphere to do.
It would have been nice to find her and talk about how her life had gone, and to share with her about mine, but after having exhausted all the spellings of her name that I could think of, last month I let it rest. She had been so "up" on things, so energetic, insightful, and unafraid of speaking truth that she seemed to be from a more recent time. She'd seemed much younger than my parents so I figured I'd have more time to try to find her. Little did I guess her youthful appearance and spirit was part of a lady who was from their generation, and her time was running out.
I am sorry I never got to talk with her again, but believe on some level she knows my gratitude now. For her belief in young people, her candor, warmth and giving nature, Mrs. Konapeyus will be remembered by many, and by people like me, young people who needed someone who could vaildate their feelings and encourage them to go as far as possible.
______________________________________
Mary D. Konapeyus, 77, of Whitehall, died Sunday March 21, 2010 after a lengthy illness. She was predeceased by her husband Edward Konapeyus (09/2002) of Whitehall, to whom she had been married 45 years. She was born in Nesquehoning, PA, daughter of Theodore and Helen (Barno) Williams.
Mary was a member of Holy Trinity Memorial Lutheran Church of Catasauqua. She graduated from Whitehall High School class of 1950, earned a Bachelor's Degree in Psychology from Cedar Crest College, Allentown and a Master's Degree from Lehigh University, Bethlehem also in Psychology. She worked for the Allentown School District as a School Psychologist for 30 years. She also taught Psychology at Cedar Crest College and was a member of numerous professional and educational organizations. Mary also served her community through her work with the Whitehall Historical Preservations Society, the Whitehall PTA, Citizens Advisory Committee and church groups and choir.
Survivors: Mary was a devoted wife, mother and friend. Her memory will be cherished by her daughter Christina K. and husband John J. Potylycki of Center Valley, PA and daughter Lisabeth A. and husband Kevin A. Noll, of Laurys Station, along with grandchildren Bryan and Rebecca Potylycki, Ian and Logan Noll and many precious friends.
Services: Memorial services will be held 12:00 p.m., Saturday, March 27th at the Holy Trinity Memorial Lutheran Church of Catasauqua, 604 4th Street, Catasauqua, PA 18032. Call 11:00am-12:pm at the church on Saturday prior to the service. In lieu of flowers, memorial contributions may be made in her honor to the Whitehall Historical Preservation Society, P.O. Box 38, Whitehall, PA 18052-0039 or the American Stroke Foundation (www.americanstroke.org), or Holy Trinity Memorial Lutheran Church.
Arrangements were handled by Brubaker Funeral Home of Catasauqua.
Sometime around 1974, Trexler Junior High School in Allentown, PA had a Career Day. Representatives of various occupations were available to speak with students who might have an interest in their line of work, answering questions about the training and education required, and what the job itself demanded. Mrs. Konapeyus was there that day as a representative for psychology and counseling.
Many were drawn to her for her sprite-like appearance, her kind and friendly demeanor, and her articulateness. Of course, it's also true that many drawn to the field of psychology are interested beyond the topic itself. Many folks want to learn the principles and apply them to themselves, to understand or solve parts of themselves. I think I was such a person, as were some of my schoolmates.
Deep down, Mrs. Konapeyus knew this and based on our interest, she set up a group meeting, probably billed as a "rap session" or something equally informal. A small circle of us met with her to have this session, and it was so spirited and helpful that she kindly expanded it, and we began to meet on a regular basis, perhaps monthly. I do not believe she was compensated for her time, but did this out of her decency and concern for young people.
We were a mix, but somehow she managed to make it work, relating one person's challenges to another's. Any group counselor knows that getting people of diverse backgrounds to get along and remain interested in the group is a challenge; too often people can feel they are wasting time on other people's issues, and not enough on their own. She had the gift of appreciating us all as individuals, making each of us feel that our contributions were valued, and our issues worthy of examination.
My gratitude to Mrs. Konapeyus is based on her empathy and ability to handle how adoption affected my life. As a young teen working on identity development and the "who am I?" kind of questions common to young adults, I found my adoption stood squarely in the way of growing up. How do you build an identity with half the information missing? Who am I, if no one can tell me about the people I came from? Yes, I had a wonderful family raise me, but what about the other parts of me? Existential angst? And will I be a baby forever if the law constantly regards me as such, by refusing to admit that my need for a complete identity mattered? It felt as though "the system" of accomodating my birthparents' assumed desire for confidentiality, and my adoptive parents' desire for a child had completely lost track of the fact "that child" - me- would someday grow up and have needs. It felt like that system was content to say basically, "You got a family, so shut up and be grateful".
Of course, Mrs. Konapeyus could not change the system of closed adoption (which is still practiced in Pennsylvania, as well as in most states today), but she did help me change my response to it. She helped me understand that being treated as such did not make me a lesser individual. She helped me understand that lacking solid information about my past meant that I would have to create parts of myself with no road map, admittedly a challenge, but not an unsurmountable one. She helped me understand that just because I had been relinquished did not mean that I had been unloved by my birthparents.
I would have loved to have found her, as I'd been trying to do, to catch up with her and tell her how my story had played out. She would have been pleased to know I had overall a healthy and productive life so far, and that I had found and been welcomed by my biological family. She'd have appreciated that I helped many other people with their searches, both birthparents and adoptees. She'd have been especially glad I had not stopped there, but had written letters and gone to Harrisburg multiple times in efforts to improve the adoption law in Pennsylvania, albeit unsuccessfully. What would have mattered to her was that I had not been a passive victim, but had done what was within my sphere to do.
It would have been nice to find her and talk about how her life had gone, and to share with her about mine, but after having exhausted all the spellings of her name that I could think of, last month I let it rest. She had been so "up" on things, so energetic, insightful, and unafraid of speaking truth that she seemed to be from a more recent time. She'd seemed much younger than my parents so I figured I'd have more time to try to find her. Little did I guess her youthful appearance and spirit was part of a lady who was from their generation, and her time was running out.
I am sorry I never got to talk with her again, but believe on some level she knows my gratitude now. For her belief in young people, her candor, warmth and giving nature, Mrs. Konapeyus will be remembered by many, and by people like me, young people who needed someone who could vaildate their feelings and encourage them to go as far as possible.
______________________________________
Mary D. Konapeyus, 77, of Whitehall, died Sunday March 21, 2010 after a lengthy illness. She was predeceased by her husband Edward Konapeyus (09/2002) of Whitehall, to whom she had been married 45 years. She was born in Nesquehoning, PA, daughter of Theodore and Helen (Barno) Williams.
Mary was a member of Holy Trinity Memorial Lutheran Church of Catasauqua. She graduated from Whitehall High School class of 1950, earned a Bachelor's Degree in Psychology from Cedar Crest College, Allentown and a Master's Degree from Lehigh University, Bethlehem also in Psychology. She worked for the Allentown School District as a School Psychologist for 30 years. She also taught Psychology at Cedar Crest College and was a member of numerous professional and educational organizations. Mary also served her community through her work with the Whitehall Historical Preservations Society, the Whitehall PTA, Citizens Advisory Committee and church groups and choir.
Survivors: Mary was a devoted wife, mother and friend. Her memory will be cherished by her daughter Christina K. and husband John J. Potylycki of Center Valley, PA and daughter Lisabeth A. and husband Kevin A. Noll, of Laurys Station, along with grandchildren Bryan and Rebecca Potylycki, Ian and Logan Noll and many precious friends.
Services: Memorial services will be held 12:00 p.m., Saturday, March 27th at the Holy Trinity Memorial Lutheran Church of Catasauqua, 604 4th Street, Catasauqua, PA 18032. Call 11:00am-12:pm at the church on Saturday prior to the service. In lieu of flowers, memorial contributions may be made in her honor to the Whitehall Historical Preservation Society, P.O. Box 38, Whitehall, PA 18052-0039 or the American Stroke Foundation (www.americanstroke.org), or Holy Trinity Memorial Lutheran Church.
Arrangements were handled by Brubaker Funeral Home of Catasauqua.
Mrs. Konapeyus had eluded me for about four months. I had been thinking about her lately, and trying to track her down to see how she was, and to say "thank you". Alas, her marriage to a gent of Greek descent made my search futile, because the spelling of her last name escaped me. It was pronounced "cahn-ah-PAY-is". I kept doing lookups - Cannepaius? Conapaius? Canepayus? Conipaeus? Round and round it went, and I never did find her, until today when I saw her obituary, and could have kicked myself for missing the correct spelling, and for waiting to try again.
Sometime around 1974, Trexler Junior High School in Allentown, PA had a Career Day. Representatives of various occupations were available to speak with students who might have an interest in their line of work, answering questions about the training and education required, and what the job itself demanded. Mrs. Konapeyus was there that day as a representative for psychology and counseling.
Many were drawn to her for her sprite-like appearance, her kind and friendly demeanor, and her articulateness. Of course, it's also true that many drawn to the field of psychology are interested beyond the topic itself. Many folks want to learn the principles and apply them to themselves, to understand or solve parts of themselves. I think I was such a person, as were some of my schoolmates.
Deep down, Mrs. Konapeyus knew this and based on our interest, she set up a group meeting, probably billed as a "rap session" or something equally informal. A small circle of us met with her to have this session, and it was so spirited and helpful that she kindly expanded it, and we began to meet on a regular basis, perhaps monthly. I do not believe she was compensated for her time, but did this out of her decency and concern for young people.
We were a mix, but somehow she managed to make it work, relating one person's challenges to another's. Any group counselor knows that getting people of diverse backgrounds to get along and remain interested in the group is a challenge; too often people can feel they are wasting time on other people's issues, and not enough on their own. She had the gift of appreciating us all as individuals, making each of us feel that our contributions were valued, and our issues worthy of examination.
My gratitude to Mrs. Konapeyus is based on her empathy and ability to handle how adoption affected my life. As a young teen working on identity development and the "who am I?" kind of questions common to young adults, I found my adoption stood squarely in the way of growing up. How do you build an identity with half the information missing? Who am I, if no one can tell me about the people I came from? Yes, I had a wonderful family raise me, but what about the other parts of me? Existential angst? And will I be a baby forever if the law constantly regards me as such, by refusing to admit that my need for a complete identity mattered? It felt as though "the system" of accomodating my birthparents' assumed desire for confidentiality, and my adoptive parents' desire for a child had completely lost track of the fact "that child" - me- would someday grow up and have needs. It felt like that system was content to say basically, "You got a family, so shut up and be grateful".
Of course, Mrs. Konapeyus could not change the system of closed adoption (which is still practiced in Pennsylvania, as well as in most states today), but she did help me change my response to it. She helped me understand that being treated as such did not make me a lesser individual. She helped me understand that lacking solid information about my past meant that I would have to create parts of myself with no road map, admittedly a challenge, but not an unsurmountable one. She helped me understand that just because I had been relinquished did not mean that I had been unloved by my birthparents.
I would have loved to have found her, as I'd been trying to do, to catch up with her and tell her how my story had played out. She would have been pleased to know I had overall a healthy and productive life so far, and that I had found and been welcomed by my biological family. She'd have appreciated that I helped many other people with their searches, both birthparents and adoptees. She'd have been especially glad I had not stopped there, but had written letters and gone to Harrisburg multiple times in efforts to improve the adoption law in Pennsylvania, albeit unsuccessfully. What would have mattered to her was that I had not been a passive victim, but had done what was within my sphere to do.
It would have been nice to find her and talk about how her life had gone, and to share with her about mine, but after having exhausted all the spellings of her name that I could think of, last month I let it rest. She had been so "up" on things, so energetic, insightful, and unafraid of speaking truth that she seemed to be from a more recent time. She'd seemed much younger than my parents so I figured I'd have more time to try to find her. Little did I guess her youthful appearance and spirit was part of a lady who was from their generation, and her time was running out.
I am sorry I never got to talk with her again, but believe on some level she knows my gratitude now. For her belief in young people, her candor, warmth and giving nature, Mrs. Konapeyus will be remembered by many, and by people like me, young people who needed someone who could vaildate their feelings and encourage them to go as far as possible.
______________________________________
Mary D. Konapeyus, 77, of Whitehall, died Sunday March 21, 2010 after a lengthy illness. She was predeceased by her husband Edward Konapeyus (09/2002) of Whitehall, to whom she had been married 45 years. She was born in Nesquehoning, PA, daughter of Theodore and Helen (Barno) Williams.
Mary was a member of Holy Trinity Memorial Lutheran Church of Catasauqua. She graduated from Whitehall High School class of 1950, earned a Bachelor's Degree in Psychology from Cedar Crest College, Allentown and a Master's Degree from Lehigh University, Bethlehem also in Psychology. She worked for the Allentown School District as a School Psychologist for 30 years. She also taught Psychology at Cedar Crest College and was a member of numerous professional and educational organizations. Mary also served her community through her work with the Whitehall Historical Preservations Society, the Whitehall PTA, Citizens Advisory Committee and church groups and choir.
Survivors: Mary was a devoted wife, mother and friend. Her memory will be cherished by her daughter Christina K. and husband John J. Potylycki of Center Valley, PA and daughter Lisabeth A. and husband Kevin A. Noll, of Laurys Station, along with grandchildren Bryan and Rebecca Potylycki, Ian and Logan Noll and many precious friends.
Services: Memorial services will be held 12:00 p.m., Saturday, March 27th at the Holy Trinity Memorial Lutheran Church of Catasauqua, 604 4th Street, Catasauqua, PA 18032. Call 11:00am-12:pm at the church on Saturday prior to the service. In lieu of flowers, memorial contributions may be made in her honor to the Whitehall Historical Preservation Society, P.O. Box 38, Whitehall, PA 18052-0039 or the American Stroke Foundation (www.americanstroke.org), or Holy Trinity Memorial Lutheran Church.
Arrangements were handled by Brubaker Funeral Home of Catasauqua.
Sometime around 1974, Trexler Junior High School in Allentown, PA had a Career Day. Representatives of various occupations were available to speak with students who might have an interest in their line of work, answering questions about the training and education required, and what the job itself demanded. Mrs. Konapeyus was there that day as a representative for psychology and counseling.
Many were drawn to her for her sprite-like appearance, her kind and friendly demeanor, and her articulateness. Of course, it's also true that many drawn to the field of psychology are interested beyond the topic itself. Many folks want to learn the principles and apply them to themselves, to understand or solve parts of themselves. I think I was such a person, as were some of my schoolmates.
Deep down, Mrs. Konapeyus knew this and based on our interest, she set up a group meeting, probably billed as a "rap session" or something equally informal. A small circle of us met with her to have this session, and it was so spirited and helpful that she kindly expanded it, and we began to meet on a regular basis, perhaps monthly. I do not believe she was compensated for her time, but did this out of her decency and concern for young people.
We were a mix, but somehow she managed to make it work, relating one person's challenges to another's. Any group counselor knows that getting people of diverse backgrounds to get along and remain interested in the group is a challenge; too often people can feel they are wasting time on other people's issues, and not enough on their own. She had the gift of appreciating us all as individuals, making each of us feel that our contributions were valued, and our issues worthy of examination.
My gratitude to Mrs. Konapeyus is based on her empathy and ability to handle how adoption affected my life. As a young teen working on identity development and the "who am I?" kind of questions common to young adults, I found my adoption stood squarely in the way of growing up. How do you build an identity with half the information missing? Who am I, if no one can tell me about the people I came from? Yes, I had a wonderful family raise me, but what about the other parts of me? Existential angst? And will I be a baby forever if the law constantly regards me as such, by refusing to admit that my need for a complete identity mattered? It felt as though "the system" of accomodating my birthparents' assumed desire for confidentiality, and my adoptive parents' desire for a child had completely lost track of the fact "that child" - me- would someday grow up and have needs. It felt like that system was content to say basically, "You got a family, so shut up and be grateful".
Of course, Mrs. Konapeyus could not change the system of closed adoption (which is still practiced in Pennsylvania, as well as in most states today), but she did help me change my response to it. She helped me understand that being treated as such did not make me a lesser individual. She helped me understand that lacking solid information about my past meant that I would have to create parts of myself with no road map, admittedly a challenge, but not an unsurmountable one. She helped me understand that just because I had been relinquished did not mean that I had been unloved by my birthparents.
I would have loved to have found her, as I'd been trying to do, to catch up with her and tell her how my story had played out. She would have been pleased to know I had overall a healthy and productive life so far, and that I had found and been welcomed by my biological family. She'd have appreciated that I helped many other people with their searches, both birthparents and adoptees. She'd have been especially glad I had not stopped there, but had written letters and gone to Harrisburg multiple times in efforts to improve the adoption law in Pennsylvania, albeit unsuccessfully. What would have mattered to her was that I had not been a passive victim, but had done what was within my sphere to do.
It would have been nice to find her and talk about how her life had gone, and to share with her about mine, but after having exhausted all the spellings of her name that I could think of, last month I let it rest. She had been so "up" on things, so energetic, insightful, and unafraid of speaking truth that she seemed to be from a more recent time. She'd seemed much younger than my parents so I figured I'd have more time to try to find her. Little did I guess her youthful appearance and spirit was part of a lady who was from their generation, and her time was running out.
I am sorry I never got to talk with her again, but believe on some level she knows my gratitude now. For her belief in young people, her candor, warmth and giving nature, Mrs. Konapeyus will be remembered by many, and by people like me, young people who needed someone who could vaildate their feelings and encourage them to go as far as possible.
______________________________________
Mary D. Konapeyus, 77, of Whitehall, died Sunday March 21, 2010 after a lengthy illness. She was predeceased by her husband Edward Konapeyus (09/2002) of Whitehall, to whom she had been married 45 years. She was born in Nesquehoning, PA, daughter of Theodore and Helen (Barno) Williams.
Mary was a member of Holy Trinity Memorial Lutheran Church of Catasauqua. She graduated from Whitehall High School class of 1950, earned a Bachelor's Degree in Psychology from Cedar Crest College, Allentown and a Master's Degree from Lehigh University, Bethlehem also in Psychology. She worked for the Allentown School District as a School Psychologist for 30 years. She also taught Psychology at Cedar Crest College and was a member of numerous professional and educational organizations. Mary also served her community through her work with the Whitehall Historical Preservations Society, the Whitehall PTA, Citizens Advisory Committee and church groups and choir.
Survivors: Mary was a devoted wife, mother and friend. Her memory will be cherished by her daughter Christina K. and husband John J. Potylycki of Center Valley, PA and daughter Lisabeth A. and husband Kevin A. Noll, of Laurys Station, along with grandchildren Bryan and Rebecca Potylycki, Ian and Logan Noll and many precious friends.
Services: Memorial services will be held 12:00 p.m., Saturday, March 27th at the Holy Trinity Memorial Lutheran Church of Catasauqua, 604 4th Street, Catasauqua, PA 18032. Call 11:00am-12:pm at the church on Saturday prior to the service. In lieu of flowers, memorial contributions may be made in her honor to the Whitehall Historical Preservation Society, P.O. Box 38, Whitehall, PA 18052-0039 or the American Stroke Foundation (www.americanstroke.org), or Holy Trinity Memorial Lutheran Church.
Arrangements were handled by Brubaker Funeral Home of Catasauqua.
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